BPFL: The Coloradokeeper Will Not Be Stopped

He’s unbeaten through 13 straight BPFL matches, and this week, he survived his second stern challenge in a row, rallying to cruelly dispatch I Am Liverpool, who is the teenage son of co-commissioner MGlo.

The coloradokeeper is not playing around, people.

Here’s co-commissioner Our Man at the Valley to break it all down (complete with an appearance from Benny Agbayani and the ’keeper’s grandparents):

In the EPL, most of the haves easily took care of the have nots, as Man City, Man U, Spurs, and Arsenal all beat unfancied teams.

Liverpool, thanks to a poor ref and some questionable team selection (Andy Carroll takes up a lot of space with little in return and Craig Bellamy and Charlie Adam both were poor), were beaten 1-0 at Fulham on Monday night.

Chelsea leapt over Newcastle into fourth place, thanks mostly to a dubious yellow card awarded to David Luiz early in the match when a red was the obvious call.

For Newcastle defenders, a Krul summer has turned into a cruel fall. With their Dutch backstop between the pipes, they put up three clean sheets in their first four Premier League matches—but only one since the autumnal equinox.

Additionally, injuries to Steven Taylor and to Fabricio Coloccini might just point us away from the Toon backline for the foreseeable future. Though it wasn’t all bad news: Krul (first name Tim) still racked up some points this weekend, thanks to his save of Frank Lampard’s penalty kick.

Ayegbeni Yakubu of Blackburn Rovers scored four goals and helped lift his team out of the cellar. His name somehow always reminds me of one of my favorite Hawaiians:

Career avg., .274; OBP, .362

All four of Yakubu’s goals went past Michael Vorm of Swansea, a player many of us—including first-place coloradokeeper—have in our BPFL squads.

The ’keeper’s unbeaten record was under threat until the end as I Am Liverpool almost did what the ’keeper’s first 12 opponents couldn’t.

As of Saturday night, pre-Bonus Points, the Merseyside lad had used all of his players and built a 10-point lead. But the ‘keeper had three players left to play (Wes Brown, Clint Dempsey and Danny Murphy)—and a goal from Norwich striker Steve Morison in the first sub’s spot in case one of those three didn’t make it on the pitch.

On Sunday, Brown had a shot cleared off the line and a clean sheet going until two late Wolves’ goals left him with a solitary point. On Monday, the site doled out Bonus Points from the weekend and Nani’s 2 extended the lead for I Am Liverpool to 11 points. When Fulham’s lineup was announced and it included Dempsey and Murphy, Morison’s points were worthless. The BPFL leader needed 11 points to remain unbeaten and, well, I’ll let him explain:

Incredible. I was on my back for most of the afternoon, recovering from Back Surgery No. 3. Thankfully, had an empty house and ESPN 2 on. Exchanged several emails with OMATV, and it wasn’t looking too good. Was looking worse when it seemed like Dempsey spit on Bellamy. I had a guy spit on me one time. We were playing Marist, and I was in the process of calling one of their forwards a “f***ing jackass” and he caught me mid-word, mouth open. He f***ing spit in my mouth. It was gross. I hit him, open handed in the face, and I got yellow carded. My grandparents were at the game. 

Anyway, despite Dempsey nearly going medieval on Bellamy, the American remained in the game. Still, chances were bleak. I needed goals, and they weren’t happening.  Then, out of nowhere, Liverpool’s Jay Spearing gets red-carded for what should have been at worst a strong talking to. Now Fulham has the advantage, but I’m still not in great shape, because unless Murphy provided an assist from his half of the field, where he had spent 90% of the game, I wasn’t catching the “kid from Liverpool.” Next thing, there goes Murphy, spinning and unleashing a pretty weak shot that hits Pepe Reina square in the hands. Reina does his best “Eggie Neuman”** impersonation, and bam, there’s Clint to hammer one home. 

So not only do I beat MGlo’s kid, but Liverpool goes down too. It reminded me of that time I was in an NFL fantasy league and the only way I could win was if Corey Dillon scored a ridiculous amount of points. Fortunately, just like I did when I played Dillon out of nowhere, I had the foresight to play the Murphy/Dempsey combo against Liverpool. 

The view from the top still looks good….

And here’s the kid in reply:

I also %#*?! had him! Eleven points up going into Monday night’s game facing Murphy and Dempsey. All I needed was nothing positive from both of them and I was home free. It looked good when Dempsey was booked early in the second half. But with six minutes to go it all fell apart. Murphy shoots, Reina bumbles, Dempsey scores. Goodnight Irene. Paddy Power is probably paying out on coloradokeeper already. At least I never fell asleep on a date either!

The final score was 81 to 76 for coloradokeeper. I Am Liverpool gets the solace of being this week’s Unlucky Loser. His total would have beaten a whopping 38 other teams this week. Tough two weeks in the MGlo household.

Elsewhere at the top of the table, fourth-placed Ahmad Haziq Hashim was handily beaten by fifth-placed Bryan 04 Leverkusen, 98–61. Bryan wins our Performance of the Week with that total.

Whew! Thanks OMATV, coloradokeeper, and I Am Liverpool.

**We were unable to annotate this reference before our deadline. Google’s power, it turns out, only goes so far. Perhaps the ’keeper or OMATV can drop an explanation in the comments.


2 comments on “BPFL: The Coloradokeeper Will Not Be Stopped

  1. omatv says:

    A good man, that Eggie Neuman. Less of a goalkeeper, but a good man nonetheless.

  2. colorado keeper says:

    Yes, heart of gold.

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