Category Archives: Gooooaaaal!

These Are Actual Professional Players Messi Is Making Look Like Practice Cones Here

The incomparable Lionel Messi was at it again this past weekend, making Atletico Bilbao defenders look like Washington General–style accomplices in his showmanship en route to Barcelona’s first goal in a 2-2 draw on Saturday.

Take a look:

As Prison Mike said, he makes stuff like this look too easy.

Sidenote: There’s a clip of this floating around with beIN Sports’ Ray Hudson doing the commentary, and we gotta say, the former Miami Fusion and D.C. United coach may have jumped the shark when it comes to broadcasting Messi brilliance.

His way over-the-top response—with phrases like “he emasculates them individually, collectively!” and “he disperses his atoms to one side of his body…!”—actually detracts from the sensational action on display.

Tamp it down a bit, Ray. You’re getting in the way.

Van Persie vs Wolyniec

Manchester United striker Robin van Persie scored three goals yesterday to lift his team to a 3-0 win over Aston Villa (and U.S. keeper Brad Guzan) that clinched the club’s 20th English championship.

His second was a beauty:

The full volley into the far corner, off of a pass from distance, kind of reminded us of MetroBull striker John Wolyniec’s overtime winner against Columbus in 2003:

Which one is better?

The MLS man was closer to goal, but the pass he had to deal with was longer. It was also an overtime winner.

Both players hit the ball absolutely on the screws, but RVP’s degree of difficulty to get it on frame was greater, and he pocketed it right in the corner.

Advantage: RVP, by a nose.

There’s Catching the Keeper Out, and Then There’s This

Wait for the third replay of this astounding long-range goal from Mor Diouf, a Senegalese defender who plays for South African Premier League side Supersport United.

That’s the one that gives the best angle of him collecting the ball deep in his own end with two minutes to play in a scoreless game. He looks up, sees the Mamelodi Sundowns keeper off his line, and … has a go from about, oh, 80 yards:

Click-click bang, indeed.

MLS Goal of the Week Nominees: Kicking off the Season In Style

The first week of the 2013 MLS season is in the books, and it was a lively round indeed.

There was a shocker in Seattle, a wild one in Portland, and a slow-motion trainwreck the emerging saga of Chivas USA in Southern California.

The nine games yielded 24 goals, many of which were terrific, including the following five:

The week was filthy rich with great goals; there were also fine strikes from Mike Magee and Sebastien Le Toux. But of the five nominees, we have to go with Davy Arnaud’s excellent finish, teed up by Felipe’s superb scoop over the top. Finishing a close second for us was Diego Valeri‘s slick slalom and finish against New York, followed, again, very closely, by Vancouver’s beautiful team goal.

Keep an eye on Whitecaps midfielder Daigo Kobayashi, the man who laid that ball off for Gershon Khoffie to finish. Kobayashi’s teammate Jun Marques Davidson said the Japanese import (who’s only 30) would be the most technical player in the league when he joined in preseason. After seeing him for one game, we see what Davidson means: Kobayashi is superclean on the ball. He—and Vancouver—are going to be fun to watch.

Your MLS Week 29 Goal-of-the-Week Nominees

It was the week of the long-range rocket as Juninho, Danny Mwanga, Javier Morales, and Simon Dawkins (a Tottenham loanee, btw) all struck from distance, while Robbie Keane tormented poor Toronto FC defender Ashtone Morgan in the box before blasting home.

Enjoy:

We have to go with Dawkins on this one. That was a filthy effort. Keane’s cutback clocks in at No. 2 on our ballot.

Terrence Boyd Gets Ready for the New Season with Two Audacious Bicycle Kicks

The U.S. international striker signed with Rapid Vienna during the offseason, and the change appears to have done him good.

Here he is firing not one but two bicycle kicks just seconds apart against Roma (and fellow U.S. international and recent transferee Michael Bradley) in a preseason friendly yesterday:

Well, that was pretty gnarly. (The fact that the two attempts came so close together probably explains Boyd‘s celebration on the goal, which would have been a little excessive if it had been just the one bike in a preseason friendly and all.)

Vienna won the game 2-1.

MLS Goal of the Week Candidates

Variety was the name of the MLS goal-scoring game this week, as the golazos came in several forms.

Are you a fan of slick, one-touch passing? Check out the build-up to Toronto rookie Luis Silva’s finish against New England (that’s Reggie Lambe and Danny Koevermans with the combination play there).

How about gravity-defying vertical leaps? Vancouver’s Darren Mattocks, also a rookie, has you covered with a Spud Webb–like leap to connect with Jordan Harvey’s cross against Toronto earlier in the week.

Or maybe you enjoy deadly, looping, long-range accuracy? The first of David Beckham’s two goals against Portland showcased those qualities—and we have a feeling the goal-of-the-week voters will appreciate them. (The “bend” in “bend it like Beckham,” by the way, is as much up-and-down as it is side-to-side.)

Here are all five:

For our recap of all the Week 19 action, click here.

MLS Goal of the Week Nominees

We suppose former Real Madrid and Benfica man Julio Cesar will get the nod this week, and his volley was pretty sweet—but man, was he left wide open.

Beyond that it was the passes—Gershon Koffie to Darren Mattocks; Davide Chiumiento to Sebastien Le Toux; and Patrice Bernier to Felipe—that stole the show in Week 15.

Take a look:

That Gershon Koffie, by the way, is only 20 years old. He’s put together a few good games this season and is definitely a player to keep an eye on.

It will be interesting to see how the arrival of Designated Player Barry Robson, who was voted Middlesbrough’s player of the year this past season, affects Koffie’s playing time and mentality.